I am so mad at my Mother that I could spit nails. Yesterday, she woke up three times during the night, and by her final call at 7AM, I was so tired ( the first calls were at 428am, then 530) that I said "oh no, not again' and was given the cold shoulder for yelling at her. As a caregiver, my role is to be totally subservient, and carry out all her instructions without protest.
After thinking it over, I decided: be nice no matter what she asks or what time she asks it. This morning, she called me at 5am. "Do you want to get up"? I said "no, since it's only 5am". So I got up at 7, helped transfer her from the bed to the wheelchair, and give her a pat on the head. Mom yells "don't pretend to be nice; I'm angry at you". She has an idea that she is awake, I must keep her company, and I am a bad daughter because I choose to go back to sleep once I finish taking care of her. Even though I have chronic hepatitis and diabetes, and have often neglected my own health to look after Mom. She's become totally self absorbed--which is no surprise, given her age (84) and history of TIA's.
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Mom apologized, but I expect it will happen again, and shall do my best to react in a non co-dependent manner. Imagine the ordeal of care giving for our ancestors. No washing machines, dryers, adult diapers: all the modern conveniences which ease the caregiver's burden. I look at the records of my female ancestors and ask 'how did you raise children and keep house without losing your mind?" Doing all that work, while being treated by society as a second class citizen. I want to bring my female ancestors into the limelight--not easy, since they were poor, and didn't leave much of a record--just birth, death, or marriage notices. Guess that meets the old rule of a lady is only mentioned in the newspapers three times: when she is born, when she marries and when she dies.
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